New Year - The Past

I forgot again to write a blog yesterday, I don't even remember what I was doing that was so interesting, looking at hotels and skiing destination for an article I was writing. Fun fun, which it was, helped me see prices for skiing. Not that I would ever go skiing, it's far too cold for my liking, I just can't deal with the cold, I don't have enough blood to keep me warm.

New Year is coming soon, what have you got planned? I'm going into London to see the fireworks. I'm excited. I liked the fireworks 2 years ago, I used to go to Alexandra Palace every year for Guy Fawkes, so I am used being in a large crowd. New Years at the fireworks 2 years ago was brilliant, had a good laugh with some friends and it was a pretty cheap night, what with the free tube, free entry to a club (a friend worked there) and free drinks (I love my friend) and much drunkness. But that's not what New Years is about for me.

Sure I like getting drunk and what have you, but it's more than that. Some people say it's just another day, but for me it really isn't. For me, it's a time to forget everything in the past, to start again. To just leave everything the last year has bought behind and do it all again, the way I want to. This is the time of year I usually don't give a shit and do what makes me happy, but alas as the year progresses, this all fades. Not this time. This has been such a shit year for me, not saying there have not been really good times like my 1 year anniversary with my annoying boyfriend (love you really!), holiday to Spain, new job, new friends, only getting the flu once (YES ONCE!) and saving up monies.

But mostly it's been a really tough year emotionally, one that I would rather forget about and just move on and start again with a positive view and outlook of what's to come in the New Year. I heard a really good quote on Dawson's Creek my Andie the other day when I was up at 6am getting ready for work and it made me realise that it is only me that can change things, I mean, I knew that anyway, but you know when you just feel like you don't have a clue what you are doing? That was me, until I heard this...

Andie: This isn't funny, Pacey. It's just that you're entire future is on the line here and I think you should be a little more nervous. I mean, you're so not nervous, you're making me nervous.

Pacey: Now that all my postulating of illegitimacy has been duely-documented, I kind of feel like a weights been taken off, you know?

Andie: If that's the way that you perceive yourself, then that's the way people are going to look at you. If you act like a joke, people are going to treat you like one.

Pacey: You finally figured it out. I'm not Luke Skywalker, I'm not even Luke Perry. There's no hero here, Andie. I am a joke.

Andie: I'm not coming to your pity party. You know I don't think you're a joke, Pacey.

Pacey: But it's too late. I've spent too long being a screw-up, I'm kind of passed the perverbial point of no return.

Andie: Well, change your course. Break the chain. Anyone can re-invent themselves. I mean, it's America. Madonna does it every week.

Pacey: But I don't know how. I don't know where to start.

Andie: Try starting from the inside. I mean, anyone can change their fate. Heroes are made, not born.

There have been some other happenings that give me hope that I can change things too, I can't remember them now, but I believe that it is me now who has to change the way I am. Even though the people/world around me is a bit fat pile of pap, it doesn't mean that it has to get me down any more. The one thing I felt that I couldn't change I now feel I can do it, with or without people's help. It's not as difficult as I first thought and I am ready.

This is why new year is important to me, I can do it properly, the way I want. People can advise, but their problem is they throw their toys out of the pram if I don't do things their way. Why should I? As far as I can see, I have a mind of my own and can more than adequately use it (when necessary!) and should be able to make my own decisions without anyone throwing a barmey. If you want to get mad and upset, go do it at someone who is actually going to give a crap, because I won't any more. It's been going on too long. So eat that.

This blog makes up for yesterday.

AND BRING ON THE NEW YEAR!!!